Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize