ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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