Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
