This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize