i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
