hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
