mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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