The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
