you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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