i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There r osticjed everywhere
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
