before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
