i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
