Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
