if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize