Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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