Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Found your dick twin last night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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