Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
