I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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