It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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