just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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