I can text with my tongue
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize