And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
