He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
