he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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