and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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