If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
