i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
