Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
