My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
