is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
