Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
