My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
