I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
