He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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