Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
