Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
