shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
