3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
