I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize