I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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