Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
