A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
