Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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