omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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