you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
