in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
