Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
