peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i drank out of a bidet.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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