We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
