Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
