pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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