If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
