I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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