Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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