Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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