I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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