i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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