You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
