My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
